PERHAPS IT WAS LOVE!!
“Nineteen years of age and a dull love life…” her friends would say then would giggle and then wondered. A lean girl with model like looks, naughtiness that gave brightness and life to eyes and a pudgy nose with a silver stud that shimmered every time she threw a glance on you. A full mouth and those huge hoops that perpetually moved to and fro. With a full body and striking features that subtly merged with her calm and stable self she was perfect and all ready to dive deep in the ocean of love. But still she was alone and I would just wonder how and why was she alone? Perhaps, she was waiting for a hint from Mr. Right. Mr. Right who was a part of her fantasies but for her as true as the story of ‘tooth fairy’ for a child, as unforgettable as your first kiss and as strong as your faith in God. Indeed, she was lonely and that hollowness which at times faded the naughtiness in her eyes made it apparent and stamped it right. She needed a person who was not only a friend but also someone more than that, one who could be the source of my mirthfulness in her life and could push all the aloneness out of her life.
This aloneness and an eventual desire to be madly in love were the attributions of a young and emotional girl for whom life was all about falling in love, finding her soul mate and then living happily ever after. But there was another facet of this young girl, a more balanced, a more pragmatic, a more aware and a more responsible. And this aspect of hers was responsible for giving her a life as normal as the rising of the sun from east and a life that was free from fairy tales and air castles.
It was a bright day of May and she was all set for a rocking vacation in Mumbai. Her journey was to be undoubtedly hectic but the tinsel and glamour of the city, the thrilling and shimmering night and fast happening events of the city were too strong to make her feel intimidated about the cumbersome journey. She started early that day; her Volvo left Dehra Dun Inter State Bus Terminal at four in the morning. Though her flight for Mumbai was at 3.05 pm yet she decided to reach Delhi that early coz’ wanted to see her to-be-hostel, stroll a little near her college where she was suppose to be for her graduation and check out the hangouts in North Campus.
As per her planned out schedule she was in Delhi at 9.00 am. With an ear-to-ear smile on her face and some fear, some blankness and perplexity of being on an unknown territory she fumbled her way to the college. Once she felt acquainted enough with the place to call her own college she moved towards the place for which she was chiefly concerned, her hostel. From her college the hostel was barely 15 mins away if you preferred to walk and if decided on taking a rickshaw you would be there in 5 mins. With the number of bags she had it was smart to hire a rickshaw and after a considerable amount of haggling she found herself moving. After a ride of 5 mins she could see a huge red color building with a descent façade that told her that it was the place. She almost over burdened with her own luggage ascended the welcoming staircase and stepped inside the hostel. The reception though not lavishly done but was neat and well kept. She being an outsider and now on the students’ list was automatically enrolled in for the hostel, after completing all the formalities and locking more than half of the stuff she was carrying in her room she was suppose to head towards the places where most of the students frequented. But when she looked at her square wrist unit she realized she was running short of time so she hired a cab and ordered him towards the Palam Airport.
It was for the first time when she would travel by air, the airport, the glasses all around, and the security so difficult to get through, all were amazing for her and took her excitement to new heights. She stepped in the plane and worked according to the instruction of the beautiful lady. And soon she found that the plane was ready for the take off and before she could breathe and bring down her whole system to normal she realized that they have already left the ground, higher and higher they were. Every time the bluish soft chunk kissed their plane her heartbeats ran with much higher pace and she could feel the fear overwhelming inside her. The only means she could think of for overcoming her fear was to try a nap which actually worked and soon she was off probably floating in her own air castles. The instruction of the same pretty lady to fasten the seat belt for landing broke her dream and pulled her out of her sweet and relaxing nap.
At the airport she felt as if she was the most awaited one when found the number of people who came to receive her. Her two cousins waving with one hand towards her and the other hand busy holding a box wrapped in silver paper, which she thought, was a gift for her and a bouquet respectively. And above all the stretched arms of her aunty that made her sense the warmth, love and care from far away. But among these familiar faces there was a face very quite, very average and of course unfamiliar to her. He was just about 5’7” and painfully thin. With those wet eyes that one could mistake with tearful eyes and blank look on his face he looked like an outdated package. “He is Satwik” her aunty exclaimed and that was followed by a million-dollar smile from his side which made her feel that the outdated package had a very sweet and convincing smile.
Her auntie’s place was quite far so the man earnestly requested to allow him to drop them at their dwelling and the lady since was aware of his gentle conduct acceded at once. After a drive of 45 minutes they reached at the parking of the building where her aunt had a two-bed room flat though small but was sweet and sufficient enough.
It was 7 in evening when there was a call for her, she was flabbergasted because she had no friends in Mumbai, had already talked to her mom, then who was this fellow? The distance between the balcony where she was sitting when got the call to the small wooden stool where the phone rested was of mere fifty steps but while she hastened to cross those simple fifty steps, plethora of questions hovered in and around her head and when she finally took the receiver and answered the call could not control herself from grinning, her eyebrows from arching and her eyes from becoming even more big with self admiration. The answer was not unexpected; he was none other than Satwik. She had seen him gazing at her through the rear mirror of his car and found his eyes being fixed at her.
She now understood that her assumption was not a mere guess but something very true and strong. He was baffled, his speech slurred and it seemed as if he was refraining himself. He asked for a rendezvous in a near by coffee shop. This was something that she had not expected as in the beginning of their conversation on phone he appeared to be just as courageous as a mice. So when he kept forth his desire of meeting her, it came like a jolt to her. It was now her turn to respond and she very reluctantly said “Ok! I’ll make it somehow.” as even without meeting him she knew what was coming her way. Her conjecture was very correct and when she met him, what haunted her the most, occurred. He said, “I know that I am a plain looking guy and you the prettiest lady I have ever met. And I won’t say that I have lost my sleep and things have gone for a toss & blah…blah…blah…” Since they had come and started the conversation it was for the first time when she smiled and looked little relieved. Satwik to her amazement was more mature than her expectations, he was witty yet sophisticated, cool-headed and a true Virgo. It was a good experience for her to know that the Mr. Outdated was not what he portrayed. He said, “ I am not a shayar so neither can impress you with some romantic words woven in the string of feelings nor can give you a heart touching reason for my liking. But can be candid with you and can corroborate that I will do anything possible under the sun to make you happy and bring to you all that you desire.”
She though was not very impressed with what all Satwik had said but she was awed by the fashion in which he had kept forth his heart. Satwik was in front of her and with those inquisitive looks on his face he made her feel that she was being expected to offer an answer at the earliest. But she was blank and had no answer. It was all-new though not unpredicted. Startling. Surprising. She fell numb and had nothing to say, she was young with her beauty and charm at its peak but it had never happened to her before. Making her brain work and nerves move once again she finally said, “ I don’t intend to hurt you but feel that it’ll be wrong if I keep you in dark or keep you hankering for an answer. I am not ready for such a thing and feel that I am too young to understand the depth of any relation.” She knew that he was hurt and what all she had said was not enough to comfort him. She always wanted that special person to come in her life and her instincts somehow confirmed that he was not Satwik. She said “I am just twenty and cannot marry you right now, as you must be expecting me to do.” His response was a little apprehensive, but not hopeless at all rather more sanguine this time and with a broader smile. He said he wouldn’t mind waiting for four or five years. And with this statement she had an uncanny emotion heaving in her. A soar of emotions that petrified her. With a perplexed mind and a heavy heart she descended the flight of stairs and came back to her aunt’s apartment. Soon her vacation ended and she left for Delhi.
A new life was waiting for her, a phase that’ll be most fun-filled, where she’ll have the liberty to be naughty and nasty both and where she’ll need to be sincere and responsible too. College, where she soon will get busy and the part of her head and heart where Satwik managed to make a place will almost faint.
Soon she got held with her routine, her hectic schedule, tiring assignments and horrifying accredits and her life was set according to a 1200 hrs clock. A little mundane, a little colourful was her life but she was happy and lived every moment till she saw somebody with something unusual that changed everything. Alex was his name. He had the charm that incessantly pulled you towards him and innocence & affection of an angel that made you feel good about yourself. Though there was less dialogue between them and they barely had exchanged looks and smiles she found her instincts working positively. She had developed an unknown feeling for him and that moment when she crossed him and their eyes met for the first time and that touch which she experienced when they crossed each other was the beginning of a new bonding.
Alex was a quiet lad with calm and deep eyes that looked at everything as blankly as an innocent lamb. Introvert. Obstinate. Pigheaded. Dumb. These were the reactions you usually got if Alex was what you have spoken. But she didn’t agree with it, she felt strongly that something was behind those deep, calm and quiet eyes, something that had left those big eyes so blank and lonely.
It was two when she was at the bus stop waiting for her bus to hostel when she saw him coming towards the stop. He was clad in blue jean which was probably his favorite and a Tantra T-shirt. He came and stood right beside her and his presence was enough to give her goose bumps. Finally she managed to start a conversation by asking “what time it is?” To her amazement he turned out to be as normal as any other guy in her college, who knew how to laugh, live and enjoy. How time passed with him was strange and soon she realized that she has reached her hostel.
Next day they again met at the stop and soon it became a routine and with every passing day they came close and close. He no more was a stubborn at least not for her, perhaps not only she was influenced by his charm and magic but it was the other way around as well. It was her natural feeling that told her that the most awaited man had entered in her life and she was sure that he felt the same for her. But there was something that stopped them from accepting the change in their lives and made them wait for the other to take the initiative.
This wait never ended and her graduation was on the verge of finishing and they both still pretended to be best friends. And finally when one day she decided to put all her feelings in front of him and made sure that she got the companionship of her life, she soon was disturbed by a phone call. He was Satwik. Though her conversation was general but all what was concealed and was suppose to go with her to her grave, recapitulated and what she had thought was never transformed into an action as Satwik’s come back made her feel uneasy about what all happened when she had visited her aunty and perhaps Satwik’s patience and perseverance somewhere intimidated her.
Time passed and she went to Mumbai to pursue her MBA and Alex, his love, his friendship and everything coupled with him and his memory was left somewhere behind. She started another phase of her life at a new place but not with joy to be where she was and new desires but with pity and guilt, pity for the girl who never expressed her love and now will never get a chance and guilt for being responsible for Satwik’s wait and for prolonging his sufferings.
Now she was no more a student but a mature woman with an established and well settled career. Calendars changed but what didn’t change was Satwik’s patience and her love for Alex despite of the fact that ever since she completed her college they had never met, talked or even posted e-mail. However, Satwik with his immense patience couldn’t be overlooked and overpowered and his perseverance, insistence and firmness undoubtedly started overshadowing her hope that Alex will one day come to her and say what she always wanted to hear and feel.
And finally she made a decision. A decision that certainly would change her life and would tear apart her most beautiful dream. To be Satwik’s companion for life was the decision she had taken and what made her do so was a question that could not be answered. Her decision brought unlimited joy in lives of many and a sense of responsibility, a doubt and a fear in her own life. She was perturbed and turmoil hovered over her but every body was in high spirits and everything seemed to be smiling and placid. But it only seemed to be simple and hassle free…it was essentially not.
The next day in her office she was intimated that someone was waiting for her in the corridor. After 10 minutes she went there and could not believe her own eyes. Right there in front of her Alex stood and she fell numb out of joy and shock. Her legs didn’t support her and she couldn’t move a step and failed to cover that small distance between her and her life. Her eyes brimmed with tears and her joy was limitless and they decided to spend the evening together and relive the past. They met just like any other friends would meet but never parted like that. Before leaving he said something which made it difficult for her to get parted from him, he said what she always wanted to hear. She was left speechless, her joy was overwhelming but something refrained her from living and feeling that joy. She got up and left the place silently. His confession once would have brought her all the joys of the world but now they disturbed her. She was bound, bound with her own decision and she knew that it was too late now her everything that was a source of her happiness was slipping through her hands like sand slips through the fingers. She already suffered from compunction of hankering Satwik and so didn’t want to do the same with Alex. They met once again as friends and she with a heavy heart entered the café, she knew that what she has come to do won’t be easy, it’ll be as painful as ripping yourself apart and as aching as seeing your dreams being shattered. She finally gathered courage and elucidated every thing that happened in his absence. His deep calm eyes were blank once again and that smile on his face failed to hide his anguishes. He said nothing perhaps because words didn’t support him and circumstances never favored him. There was nothing left to ponder upon they both were robbed of their happiness. They both got parted but this time like strangers and probably for ever. Her decision was both difficult and agonizing but she didn’t regret as though her love was precious but Satwik’s feelings and a persona like him was priceless.
The day, which was witness of Satwik’s victory, arrived. The day of her marriage. Alex was in front of her but not with her. She perhaps will never be able to forget Alex but now as she is married he wont live in her heart but will be buried somewhere in her heart.
Her decision was not only difficult but strange as well. But certainly she knew what she did and why she did so.
